We all know about “the party girl.” She’s the pretty, energetic girl that talks to everyone, including you, and then leaves you wanting more. Was she flirting with you, or is she just like that with everyone? Guess what – every other guy in the room is thinking the same thing.
Guess what else…she knows it.
The Social Butterfly is a combination of Tester, Justifier, and Idealist. Her behavior likens her to her namesake. She is like a butterfly – beautiful, enticing, and hard to catch – unless you know what you are doing.
As with all Testers, if you must separate yourself from the countless other guys chasing her. But the Social Butterfly is different from the Playette in her Justifier mindset. She embraces an aggressive approach, as long as she doesn’t get the feeling that sex with her is a trophy for you.
If you can keep a casual, fun, pressure-free interaction going, sex is an almost certain outcome once you are alone with the Butterfly. But if she senses that she is a conquest, and that you have any sexual neediness in your attitude, she will flutter away.
The biggest challenge men face with a Butterfly is that she likes to be the chaser. She wants to be the one who chooses, and chases, the man. The irony is that she ends up chasing the guy that either, a) doesn’t want her, or b) wasn’t the “strong silent type” but was actually an insecure, immature guy that simply didn’t know what to say.
A Butterfly has such a strong need to attain the unattainable guy that she often tricks herself into thinking that a guy is much more interesting than he turns out to be. We can’t control this irrational pattern, but we can become aware of it and leverage it. More on that later. Suffice to say, the butterfly is most attracted to what she can’t have.
When in a sexual relationship with a man, a Social Butterfly is a horny devil. She wants it everywhere, all the time. It’s not so much that she’s always horny – it’s the thrill of novelty that gets her horny. She heats up fast, and cools fast. Her attention span is short because she loves to be excited, and nothing’s more exciting than novelty and risk. Take advantage of her impulsive nature, or be left in the dust.
When a Social Butterfly finds a guy she likes, it doesn’t last long. Or she gets married. This woman is impulsive. But nonetheless, she is a woman, and has feminine drives to contribute and nurture. As long as you have a strong Vision (a concept we discuss in-depth in the Attraction Code and Dominant Sexual Power), and you are Self-Controlled (i.e. dominant and not looking for permission or guidance on even the subtlest level from those around you), she will always be drawn to you.
Sometimes letting something beautiful go is the best way to make sure it comes back to you.
How She Gets What She Wants
The Social Butterfly is more likely to sleep with a guy just because he’s hot. However, “hot” can mean many different things: well-dressed, confident, nice smile, in charge of other men , nice abs, etc. This girl gets different things from different men, and loves the newness of the stimuli. She likes to try different men for their kissing styles, cock sizes, fashion and music styles, you name it.
The one thing she does not like is pressure and over-emphasis on sentiment. She loves romance, but doesn’ t like navel-gazing and “deep conversations.” In a sense, she’s more down to earth, as she realizes that you won’t uncover life’s secrets with a near-stranger on you first date.
Be a guy she chases and feels is almost out of her reach. We’ll show you how in the next section.
As a Justifier, the Butterfly is sexually experienced. Fucking is nothing new to her. But a new position, or adding an element of psychological dominance via roleplaying are probably as-yet unrealized in her sex life. Even if she has done kinkier stuff than what you do with her, you at least won’t fall into the boring category. It’s likely that she might initiate you to something new. If that’s the case, go with it, or, again, get left in the dust.
A true Butterfly is likely in college or relatively young, and not ready for a career or marriage. That’s good news for you. But if she commits to a guy, he better keep her interest. Otherwise, she will cheat, and dump the guy soon after. This is a woman that men end up chasing, and in doing so, push her further away. Clearly you can see that separating yourself from all the other needy, submissive, boring guys is crucial to catching a Butterfly.
Applied Technique (using 3-Function Analysis)
You can approach a Butterfly in any way you choose. It’s all fun to her. Just don’t be timid. The key with her is, without any better way to describe it in writing, 100 percent commitment and exposure. For example, if you are in a bar you can say a toast and clink her glass. Or you can compliment her hair. BUT, do not try to be smooth or sexual at first. Be happy, energetic, and do it (whatever it is) all the way. This is the most powerful way to convey dominance – essentially a lack of timidity – and is fundamental to attracting a Social Butterfly.
Here are some tips for grabbing a Butterfly’s attention when approaching:
- Be loud
- Stand tall, and position yourself in same proximity as if you already know her
- Smile and look her in the eye when YOU are talking
- Use fun, dominant touch – when you hug her, lift her up
And here are some examples of what to say to break the ice:
- You spot her tatoo: “Whoa – nice What’s the story with that?”
- She’s wearing a senior Frog T-Shirt: “Hold on – I was in Cancun last year Why didn’t I see you?”
- Playing cornhole in front of her apartment: “Nice hole. My squad could take you guys – loser buys shots at McGees Pub ”
It’s not hard to get a Butterfly’s attention. It’s keeping it that’s the challenge. Your best bet is to find out what her interests are. It may sound obvious, but most guys screw this up by asking interview-style questions. Pay attention to her – she wears her life on her sleeve. She likely will wear, talk about, or do, something that is interesting to her. Comment on it and relate to it.
She’s a tester, so tease her immediately. Even more than the Playette, the Social Butterfly responds very powerfully to being teased. Just make sure you can take what you dish out because this woman loves to banter. Stay on your toes, and stay focused on lightly pointing out her silly quirks and mistakes. And, as always, back it up with warmth –
that’s what makes teasing work. Otherwise you’ll just come off as mean and socially incompetent.
She may float away to talk to other people, but that’s her nature. Don’t take it as a rejection. She will remember you. Bump into her again and continue where you left off – but don’t just start talking or asking her questions. Try something random, light, and fun – give her a high five or say, “Oh jeez – you again. What’s up lady?” with a big smile on your face.
It may seem counter-intuitive, but with a Tester, especially a Tester- Justifier, finding one deep topic and exploring it can have a profound effect. But keep this as a contrast, an exemption to the rule: keep the conversation light, positive, and rhythmic (no awkward silences).
Testers usually have one or two passionate interests that they keep to themselves. If you can uncover it, you have separated yourself from the other guys orbiting her vagina. And that’s what it really comes down to with Testers – be the guy she chases, not the guy chasing her.
Note: with an iNvestor, it’s the opposite – discussing a wide variety of topics is effective because of the meaning behind the nature of that conversation: “we are so connected that we can talk about anything and not worry about sticking to superficial commonalities”).
So how to use her interests to make her chase you? It’s not a matter of her clinging to your pant leg. The real manifestation of her chasing you is, for example, her telling you things she normally doesn’t reveal, and you, in-turn, offering her more attention and time. You MUST convey that your sexual interest is a reward.
The strongest power-play with this girl is to connect deeply on one or two topics, while Threading (a skill we teach in our Bootcamps), be bold physically and sleep with her as soon as logistics allow. If you are alone with her, use that as a window to get physical. If you miss this window, she’ll quickly move on. After sex, don’t cuddle or make long- term plans. Don’t try to be her new boyfriend – that’s what every other guy does and it’s boring. Keep it casual on you end, and she will be wondering why the hell you don’t want her!
Testers don’t like sensual touching right away, nor do they like a lot of strong eye contact or close proximity, unless it’s for an external purpose (e.g. playing darts or window shopping).
They do like smiles, however. An upbeat, playful energy keeps things fun and exciting. Don’t get serious and cerebral with a Social Butterfly. Instead, try to stay in the moment , focus on your environment, and comment on the funny or unexpected in your surroundings.
She won’t mind if you get close as long as there is a reason, and you don’t try to lock eyes in a flirty way. She will initiate that. When she does, don’t shy away.
Manhandle this woman. You can get away with so much as long as you are in a good mood and have a playful energy. If you are dancing, guide her body, spin her, etc. If you’re standing in a crowded area, throw her over your shoulder with one arm and walk to a less crowded spot. Set her down gently and continue the conversation as normal.
Don’t try to seduce her by touching her hair, neck, or face. Generally, focus on moving her entire body via hand on her back, legs, or by taking her arm in yours. Hand-holding is too romantic and intimate at first.
Fun, big movements are exciting to her. Pick her up, guide her body around, and definitely dance with her if you have the opportunity. This girl loves to dance so she can get out of her head, and move around. A good dancer scores huge points for this party girl.
The key sexually is to push the limits. Do NOT be another one of her conquests. Be very dominant – pull her hair, choke her a little (simply putting your hands around her neck is enough to create the right effect), spank her, etc. Combine gentle, rhythmic thrusting, with hard, deep pounding, and be sure to talk dirty. Tell her how sexy she is, how you love how naughty she is for you…tell her she’s a bad girl while spanking her, etc.
If you push her limits sexually, and create a dynamic of sexual dominance, to her submission, she will see you as a valuable, an intriguing man to chase and win over. You are a challenge to her.
Your challenge is to keep it that way. New stimuli, positive energy, and sexual dominance are the keys to keeping a Social Butterfly interested.