The Modern Woman is a cool chick. She is independent, probably has a good job or has ambitious goals, and she takes dating with a grain of salt. She is not cynical, and she enjoys men, but she doesn’t get too serious unless she feels there’s a reason to. Essentially, she has a very healthy, real-world approach to dealing with men.
She hopes to one day meet a guy for a long-term relationship. She may even have a boyfriend at the moment. But she is also comfortable with casual fun. If she’s not in a committed relationship, she probably has a couple “friends” she sleeps with regularly. More commonly, she has one “friend” that she’s been sleeping with for a while. This is good news for you because she is not exclusive, and therefore is willing to try someone new, at least for a little while.
However, remember that she is an iNvestor, and if she likes a guy, she will want to focus on him and develop the relationship. If she’s sexually unsatisfied, she is very open to giving you a chance. If she is satisfied, but is not exclusively committed to the guy, she will be open to dating you to see if there’s more chemistry than what she currently has.
She may sound too good to be true – she’s level-headed, rational, sexual, and yet not overly promiscuous – but we’ve found that the Modern Woman is relatively common. More woman are thinking like this these days – especially women in their mid-to-late twenties who have some dating experience under their belt. In 2010, almost all women have a little Modern Woman in them.
The Modern Woman wants a man with goals, a strong sex drive, and likes her for who she is as a person first and foremost. You don’t have to be rich, super successful, or smart. You just have to be going somewhere in life, and have your basic affairs in order.
You don’t have to be extremely good looking or great in bed. But you should be in decent shape, and dress moderately well. In bed you must focus on making sure she is satisfied as much as she focuses on satisfying you.
Her biggest turn offs are:
- Selfishness – she has high self-esteem and won’t put up with a guy who doesn’t value her or treat her with
- Lack of direction – why would she want to attach herself to a man who is going nowhere?
- Neediness – if she is attractive, she has men clamoring to get in her If she is cool and confident, she has men also clamoring to be her boyfriend. She has goals, a job/working on her degree, and doesn’t have time to babysit other grown-ups.
If you are a solid guy, she has no reason NOT to sleep with you. It’s fun, and as long you use protection, why not? Usually, her relationships start out as a casual sexual friendship. If there is sexual chemistry, and your life-paths don’t diverge too sharply, this friendship will develop into something more.
How She Gets What She Wants
If she is single and horny, she will put herself out there. She will dress sexy, go out with the girls, and put herself into a position to be approached. She will try a variety of activities to meet men and socialize, like volunteering and charity events, coed sports clubs, joining a gym, dance classes, etc. Not only is she bettering herself, but she might meet a guy she really likes. And even if he isn’t “the one” she might get some good sex out of it!
She has no qualms about sleeping with a man relatively quickly. But she has low tolerance for selfishness. She is not cool with being used. She wants a man to treat her body good. If you can give her a pleasurable experience the first time, she will want to do it again. This doesn’t mean you have to give a pornstar performance. To the Modern Woman, good sex is about being attentive to her body and her responses, being giving, and keeping the energy fun and positive. Make her feel sexy, don’t be afraid to laugh at yourself.
Ultimately she wants to meet the right guy, if she hasn’t already. She may start to worry about this as she nears or passes the age of 30. But she has enough going in her life to feel good about herself, whether she has a serious boyfriend or not.
One thing to remember here – and this is true of all women – dishonesty kills attraction. Not only does it mean she can’t trust you, but it is also insulting and makes you look weak. The Modern Woman wants you to be a Modern Man. Be honest about who you are and what you want. Odds are she isn’t much different, will be cool with any relationship terms as long as she gets to have her fun too. Most men are dishonest and manipulative with women because they don’t understand them. By being honest and authentic in your dealings with women, you will appear bold, confident, and knowledgeable about the opposite sex.
Applied Technique (using 3-Function Analysis)
As a Justifier, the Modern Woman is interested in your sexual potential, as well as your level of confidence. The best way to convey both is by being direct and honest in your approach. She likes knowing that you chose her – to an iNvestor, your interest in her is exciting.
A specific compliment works great, or simply tell her you think she is gorgeous (or cute, or breathtaking…just don’t say “hot” – it’s too generic and high school-ish). A comment or joke, or question all work great too, but be sure to lock eyes with her as you say it.
It’s not hard to approach this type of woman because she likes meeting men! You may at times meet one that is in a bad mood or simply not interested for whatever reason. That’s ok, there are plenty more out there. Cut your losses and stay positive about the process.
The combination of iNvestor-Justifier makes this woman fun to talk to. She likes to talk about sex and responds well to flirting. She can probably hold her own with deeper conversation. The best way to engage her attention is to ask her about how she thinks about the topic. For example, if she tells you she is a nurse, ask her why she went into that field.
If she is out with friends, ask what they are celebrating, and find out how they all met. Have a couple interesting questions in your toolbelt. Ask her about something fun she did recently, or something she’s looking forward to in the near future. Talk about music – music is a big part of the Modern Woman’s life. What does she listen to when she works out? When she’s relaxing? What are her new favorites?
Connecting with the Modern Woman happens naturally as long as you are curious about her, and you balance her interest in her with showing her who you are. The most attractive element in this interaction is chemistry and this occurs when two people are being real with each other.
It may sound simple and obvious, but the fact is, most guys are NOT like this with attractive women. So, you score huge points simply by contrast. Tell her stories from your life, tell her about your goals, what you like in women, and people in general, and don’t hide from sexual topics.
The best way to have great body language is to a) relax your body, and b) look happy. This does not mean slouch or slump. Just loosen up and be comfortable. Looking happy doesn’t mean walking around with a cheese-grin. It means smiling, laughing, and generally having a calm, pleasant facial expression.
Again – sounds overly basic, but most men walk around looking nervous and unfriendly when in the presence of attractive women. Notice guys hanging out with attractive women – they look relaxed and happy. Not rocket-science, but extremely effective.
Dressing well and grooming yourself are also important. Look clean, and wear up-to-date styles. Pick colors that look good with your skin, and wear clothes that fit your build. (This is fundamental with all women.)
Try to keep your touch as a reward for her personality. This is about timing. If she says something funny or interesting, show that she has impressed you by touching her arm or back. This is crucial with iNvestors. Remember that Testers like to be touched because the sitatuation calls for it. With iNvestors, the reason for you touching her is her.
She is a Justifier, which means she is highly sexual already. And to a woman, good sex is about foreplay. And good foreplay is about sensuality and attentiveness. So when you touch the Modern Woman, have a soft, but appreciative energy. Not too light or timid, but not too aggressive and grabby. She likes to be touched.
You can also get her to touch you. Have her scratch your back, or hold her hand as you guide her to another area. She likes to hold hands, she likes men’s bodies, and she likes to be manhandled in moderation. As always, use protection as a reason to touch her.
She is confident and independent, but she still needs to feel safe and cherished in the presence of a man.
I’ve already touched on this, but being a giver in bed is very important to the Modern Woman. She wants to please you, and she wants to be pleased. This type of woman likes to feel submissive in bed. She gets turned on knowing that she can let go of control and let you take the lead. This doesn’t mean you have to be experienced or skilled. In fact, a much better approach is to simply be curious and learn how she specifically likes to be treated. This way you will become better than any other lover she’s had, because you know what turns her on like you know the back of your hand.
She will also want to learn how to pleasure you. She likely has some moves that may surprise you, but she is even more excited when you guide her. She is a realist, so if you can give her some concrete, physical techniques that turn you on, she will feel much more confident sexually. Just like a man, the more confident she is sexually, the more she will want to have sex – we all like to do things we are good at!
A couple great things to try to get started:
Play the “Spot Game.” Tell her you are going to find at least three spots where she likes to be kissed. Explore her back, legs, and breasts.
Put your hand on her pussy, and then have her put her hand over your hand. Tell her to guide you to touch her the way she likes.
The first time she gives you a blowjob, give her ONE trick that sends you over the edge. Get a little kinky – have her stuff your dick into her cheek and pop it out of her mouth repeatedly. Tell her how “fucking sexy” she looks. She will definitely do this on her own next time, and then you can add something else to her repertoire.
Treat her with respect outside of the bedroom, but be very dominant once alone. Don’t be bossy, and let her take control occasionally. Tell her to get on top, or tell her to kiss your chest and stomach. Lay back and let her take charge. This is extremely exciting for her as a contrast to being on the receptive end of your attention.
Remember that with a Justifier, she can’t think you are with her just for sex. Make sure she knows how much you value her as a person. As long as she feels that appreciation, she will be a wonderful partner, sexually and emotionally. She will give you your freedom, and she will stay by your side if you tell her you need her. The Modern Woman is a good woman.