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The Hopeful Romantic is somewhat old-fashioned. She daydreams about the perfect man coming into her life, romantic escapades, and has long-term hopes with the men she gets involved with.
For the Hopeful Romantic, the potential of a long-term relationship is the foundation upon which everything else lays. It’s not that she needs a boyfriend or husband – those are simply socially construed titles.
You must go deeper and hit her at her core to satisfy her emotional and sexual needs.
Men often run into trouble with a Romantic by coming off as insincere or “player-ish.” It’s OK to be seeing other women when you meet a
Hopeful Romantic, but if you try to lie or cover it up, she will lose all hope of a future with you, because to her, relationships – whether platonic, romantic, or somewhere in between – are founded in honesty.
However, it may seem daunting to tell such a sentimental and feminine woman that you are a free bird and intend to stay that way. This will take some tact…
The Hopeful Romantic thinks she wants a man who will be patient, gentle, and sweet, and indeed she may respond to that. But more often than
not, you will find this type of woman with a bad boy – a biker, thug, or a generally tough dude rough around the edges. The reason for this is that she needs emotional strength above all else.
Her extreme sentimentality and emotional sensitivity requires a counterbalance – a man who doesn’t get upset easily, keeps his cool, and takes the offensive in confrontation. But, any man that expects to keep her around must keep at least a small sense of empathy – enough to understand her moods so that he can comfort and reassure her. He knows that the kind of reassurance she needs is not in sweet words, but in physical actions.
The Hopeful Romantic wants a man to save. She is attracted to the mysterious, unattainable, unreachable, angry, depressed, artistic and out of bounds. She wants to bring a hard man in from the cold. She wants to warm his heart with his love. But remember – it’s the challenge itself that is attractive. As your horniness doesn’t go away, nor does her hunger for a man to conquer. Once you have been subdued and domesticated, she will search for a new challenge.
If you can stay a challenge, just a bit out of reach, a bit outside of her feminine influence, she will be an extremely docile, warm haven of sexual embrace and emotional support.
How She Gets What She Wants
The Hopeful Romantic woman is an iNvestor, so she looks for sexual gratification and emotional fulfillment from one man, not several. When she meets a guy who catches her interest, she immediately begins to size him up as a long-term partner.
If she gets the indication that he doesn’t have the capacity to bond with her, she will move on. But here’s where it gets tricky. A man who is moody, or wild, or living on the edge actually indicates the potential for rapport because he is emotional, AND he is not trying to pursue her to get sex.
Note: When a woman feels a man is pursuing her simply for sex, she immediately perceives all he does as dishonest and manipulative (even if he’s being genuine).
When it comes to sex itself, a Romantic will play a passive role. But when she is aroused and is taken, she responds powerfully. To her, she has drawn the man to her, and won his desire with her warmth and love.
Her challenge is coping with her very domestic, familial nature – her need to nurture and tend to her children and loved ones – and the pressures of society to achieve status and achieve material luxury. Think about the combination of a Denier with an Idealist. The Denier will only let her guard down once she thinks she is with a man who will take care of her, and love her (if not now, eventually).
But as always, once you get needy and appear submissive and weak, she will lose attraction and motivation to even give any of those long-term hopes a chance.
Applied Technique (using 3-Function Analysis)
As always, with iNvestors, it pays to be direct. Here’s why: she either has a man, or wants one. If it’s the former, there’s a good chance he’s not satisfying her sexually or emotionally. If it’s the latter, well – there you go. So if you can pick out an iNvestor (a skill I’ve acquired in the past couple years), you know what to do to get a 75% postitive reaction rate. Unless you somehow screw it up or catch her at the wrong time of the month.
“Direct” doesn’t always mean telling her explicitly that you are attracted to her. It can be conveyed through the eyes and body. Eye contact is best taught in live training programs. It creates sexual tension without the need for any specific wordplay, but takes a lot of calibration. A good rule of thumb is to act like her eyes and your eyes are magnets – hold eye contact a beat longer than normal, but don’t try to stare her down.
It is your focused interest that will capture her focused interest. With an iNvestor, success and failure depend on you. She is ready – but will shut down if you shut down first. By shutting down I mean getting acting through a persona (a social mask you hide behind when nervous, e.g. being overly macho, or pretending to be super laid back to the point of “not caring,” etc), or getting negative as a crutch for a lack of things to say.
Create a dynamic of “you and her vs. the world” as soon as possible. This is easier than it sounds – find common ground, and then make a joke about the rest of the world/people being different (and having implicitly lower social status).
Keep your energy mellow and dominant, meaning you don’t get to excited or annoyed – your emotions are stable and you are unaffected as a whole. It also pays to call her out on something dorky she is doing or wearing, but make sure your energy is super warm and positive – that’s the only way to make such risky behavior work consistently.
Roleplaying and talking about doing things together in the future is the best way to motivate her to get to know you. She is an iNvestor, so she thinks long term. She is an Idealist, so her worldview is based on romance and fantasy. And as a Denier, she sees sex as a big commitment –not casual fun. So convey that you are interested in getting to know her, and that you are a guy who will be around for her.
Note: never say this explicitly. She won’t believe you. Always imply this by using the Us-frame – whatever the topic is, talk about it in terms of you and her, together, experiencing things now or in the future.
The way to create a connection with a hopeful romantic is to indicate that you have the romantic capacity in you, and that you have had your heart broken by a GIRL (not a woman) who didn’t appreciate or recognize you. And now you are a wounded heart that needs to be healed.
This approach can easily stray into games and manipulation, which we don’t advocate. However, it wouldn’t be right to not mention how ridiculously easy it is to elicit strong feelings in this type of woman by simply letting go of all attempts to impress or influence others.
Don’t be afraid to pause and simply relax together, even in a crowded bar. Comfortable silences are probably the best way to create a spark with the Hopeful Romantic.
You initial body language makes a big difference in how an iNvestor- type sizes you up. Don’t come off like a party-boy. Don’t be the drunk, loud club guy. Sincerity and authenticity trump excitement and social dominance with iNvestors.
Having said that, I should clarify the difference between sincerity and pressure. No woman likes a man to get in her face and be too intense at first. Relax your body and face, respect her personal space, and use eye contact to show her you are focused on her. This will intrigue her. More than other types, this woman will look past any fashion mistakes you commit because she is looking hard at your personality and energy – she is trying to figure out what you will be like in the long-run.
Let’s look at a Hopeful Romantic’s 3 Personality Factors: she is more interested in connection and authenticity rather than excitement and novelty (N). She places a high value on sex and doesn’t like to rush into intimacy (D). She has romantic ideals and wants to be swept away in courtship.
This combination can create a tricky dynamic. In order to sweep her off her feet, you must incorporate a good amount of touch – you must protect and lead her. However, don’t go too far and come off “touchy-
feely” as this will signal to her that you just want to get laid. And, as will all deniers, you have the most leverage if you can sleep with her quickly, so touching is crucial.
Use a lot of protective touching – move her out of the way, pick lint off her shirt, brush her hair from her face, and hold her hand when
crossing the street. Keep it light, short, but attentive. Being attentive to her body and conveying that you care about her safety conveys that you aren’t just there to “hit and run.” You are a guy that will last and be a part of her life, because you truly care.
The key factor to keep in mind with a Hopeful Romantic is she is a Denier. Leading up to sex, go slow, be patient, and don’t try to pressure her. Sex will come and when it does it will be really passionate and sensual. The first few times you make love with a Denier, do just that – make love.
Include long bouts of kissing, caressing, and holding her. Draw out the foreplay, and definitely cuddle afterwards. No rough stuff at first. Missionary or her on top is best – this way you can look into each other’s eyes, kiss, and she’ll feel close to you. That’s what she needs when it comes to sex.