The Relationship Line: Realist vs. Idealist

This dimension describes a woman’s relationship – and general strategy for balancing her dating and romantic goals against all other
aspects of her life.

The terms Realist and Idealist really describe how they view their future life with their partner.

Out of the three dimensions, this is the least likely to change, and tends to stay pretty constant throughout a woman’s life.

Again the Realist / Idealist dimension is the one that deals with the conflict between her inner biological drive to be a mother and take care of her family, and the fast paced, modern society that pushes her to work on her career.

Again – her biological drive urges her to focus all of her energy on her family, but society, especially her schooling, urges her to work on her career.

The Realist / Idealist dimension is less of a coping strategy, but more describes which drive she favors. Of course, every woman will have some component of each, but there will ALWAYS be one that she favors and gives priority over the other.

All women have a fear of not finding a great guy to be with, that will provide and take care of her and her family – but Realists feel the fear the most, and because of that strive to become completely self-sufficient.


The Realist is a woman who is Realistic in the sense that YES, it is possible – especially with today’s divorce rates – that she will be not end up with a guy to provide for her.

So she is the type of woman who will focus on her studies and have very ambitious career goals. She will often be more logical in her thinking and I’ve met some Realists who were incredibly sharp in business.

Most of the Realists who we met were born with those natural urges to become housewives, but over the course of growing up and in childhood, have seen men who were incapable of taking care of their wives or families. It could have been their father, uncles, or husbands of their mother’s friends… Either the men left completely, or were just not suitable to be good supportive husbands.

And then they would also see these women who have their own careers, who were independent and seemed to be a nice positive reinforcement of the negative effects of incapable men.

So really – this dimension is all about upbringing, and that’s the reason why it’s the least likely to change throughout her life.

A few years back, I was in a situation where I was struggling financially, and I actually met a woman who was a Realist (looking back she was a NJR). And it turned out she had built and sold a business, and was very successful.

Having this woman attracted to me, and dating her was a lifesaver… She would buy me nice new clothes, she would take me out to dinner, take me on vacations – and she even helped out with critical things I needed like a stove and refrigerator.

That is very typical when you get a woman who is both an investor and a Realist…

Other Realists I’ve dated have all been very self-sufficient, they prefer to pay for or at least SPLIT the bill at dinner, and this is really enjoyable to a lot of guys.

But in the back of her mind, with that self-sufficiency she is always going to have a belief that you may not be there for her one day, so she will in a sense always keep one foot outside the door. And – if she is a Tester, she will be even more likely to ease that feeling by keeping other guys in her life.

A lot of Realists don’t believe in the idea of marriage. Of course many do – but out of all the women who have told me they have no desire to get married, and don’t plan on getting married, they have ALL been Realists.

It’s not that they can’t be in a functional, loving relationship, it’s that they realize what marriage really is – nothing more than a legal agreement which binds two people and has very little to do with love.

The real mark of a Realist is her self-sufficiency – which some guys might confuse with being masculine… but it isn’t. It’s merely because her fears of being alone are SO great that she resorts to that – but deep down she is still a woman and using the right strategy you can get complete devotion and have a very feminine and loving partner.


  • Realists have a healthy fear of not finding a man to support them
  • Realists focus on goals and advancement of their career
  • Growing up, Realists had weaker male figures in their life
  • Realists are powerful and can take care of They actually enjoy it
  • Realists always have one foot out the door, unless you PROVE to them that you will be there for her


An Idealist maintains her IDEAL image of a happy man and woman living in a house with a white picket fence and a couple very happy kids.

And this image is so strong, that she is willing to overlook the possibility of it never coming true. She disregards those fears. Of course the fears will always be there – but they don’t affect the way she dreams, and relishes in her fantasy of having a perfect family someday.

Most Idealists were brought up around capable men who were happy in their natural supporting roles. Many Idealists came from families that stayed together, and the parents never got divorced, their dad was successful, and their mom was an awesome housewife and cook, maybe she had a job, maybe not – or she grew up meeting boys who loved her and really took care of her naturally.

As a result she would naturally be less ambitious about the future because she has a strong feeling that she would be taken care of.

Dating an Idealist is one of the most satisfying, emotional experiences a man could ever have. She believes in TRUE love and if you ask her about it, she can talk about it, she knows that love is a real thing, and she will gladly share the vision of her ideal future with you.

Idealists love to daydream and often have a vivid imagination. Most of the Idealist strategies rely on taking advantage of that imagination and filling it with thoughts of the two of you being together.

One of the drawbacks is that an Idealist will eventually pressure you to get married if you date her for over two years. This might be great for some guys, but if you’re looking to be a real player and date a lot of women – be careful with that. You could end up breaking some hearts.


  • Idealists most likely grew up around more capable men who were supportive and present
  • Idealists have a vivid imagination
  • Idealists will eventually look for marriage
  • Idealists are very clear on their vision for the future

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